


Oh You Eyes, They Show It All

by Tortellini



Category: A Separate Peace - John Knowles
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Based off of a Bastille Song, Broken Bones, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Injury Recovery, Inspired by Music, M/M, Major Character Injury, Male Bonding, Male Friendship, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, POV Male Character, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, War, Wordcount: 500-1.000, Wordcount: Over 1.000, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 23:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: Gene Forrester reflects on his time at Devon in the early 1940s. More importantly, he thinks about a brilliant young man who should be standing next to him... but isn't, and it's all his fault.Oneshot





	Oh You Eyes, They Show It All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [I_Am_The_Circle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Am_The_Circle/gifts).
  * Inspired by ["No ones here to sleep"](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/301563) by Bastille. 



> Prompt: "No One's Here To Sleep" by Bastille

> _Every carpet, every floor_
> 
>  

Gene shudders as he walks into the school building. He vaguely thinks he shouldn't feel this badly. It's just a building. Then he realizes that that's a lie. He ruined someone here, because he was a jealous coward. He should feel guilty. 

 

> _Everywhere I look I fall_
> 
>  

..."That's it, you guys, you're crazy. Gene and I are going to bed. C'mon, Gene." Finny says crossly. The staircase is dark and crowded. He had broken his leg earlier that year so he walks heavily with crutches. 

Finny turns and the others watch him hobble angrily down the stairs. And then he gasps--it all happens so fast--he falls. Again. Down two flights of marble stairs.

 

> _Climbing up the walls,_  
>  _I'm climbing up the walls_

 

Gene sinks down on the floor, his hands shaking uncontrollably. His back is pressed up against the wall of his bedroom...the bedroom he shared with Finny... Bile rises in his throat and he covers his mouth with the back of his hand. He squeezes his eyes shut. The words echo in his head: dead dead dead we're sorry something went wrong he's dead dead bone marrow in blood dead dead dead. 

Dead. Finny, the definition of life, is dead.

 

> _What goes on behind these doors_  
>  _I'll keep mine,_  
>  _and you'll keep yours_

 

The jealousy rises by accident. Gene is best friends with Finny; he doesn't want to be jealous of him! Popular, athletic Finny, who everyone likes and gets along with... who can just be good at stuff, and not even try... who's just born ready for literally everything... He clenches his fists. He loves Finny. But sometimes...he just gets sick of how perfect he is.

 

> _We all have our secrets, we all have our secrets_
> 
>  

"I actually want to talk about the accident." Gene says firmly, but his voice trembles too. He looks into Finny's twinkling eyes. "It's all I could think about on the ride down."

"How thoughtful of you." Finny says warmly, his lips quirking upwards. "You didn't have to, Gene."

"Of course I did...seeing as I caused it." Gene manages. Finny's eyes widen but he smiles slightly uneasily and he shakes his head. 

 

> _Behind...every door...is a fall..._
> 
>  

"Come on, we'll jump together." Finny says enthusiastically as he shamelessly sheds his shirt. "If we hurry, we can make one before the others come! Come on!" Unknowingly, he climbs the haphazard ladder up the gigantic old tree, to where they can jump out over the lake.. 

Gene pauses. The dull jealously hasn't gone away. He narrows his eyes and sets out to follow him.

 

> _...and no one's here to sleep_
> 
>  

Gene lays awake later that night, when they were supposed to jump. Finny is in the infirmary. Brink says he'll be all right but for some reason that doesn't comfort him. He--maybe Finny, but he won't know till he actually talks to him--is the only one who knows the truth. He knows how he moved the branch to make Phineas fall. And fall he did. No, he didn't want to kill him, christ! He just wanted to...to hurt him. To show the world Phineas isn't as perfect as he appears to be.

He lays awake, trembling. Gene knows he won't get any sleep that night; not for a long time..

 

> _You were always faster than me_
> 
>  

"Run, Forrester!" Finny catcalls to Gene, grinning in glee at the look of mild bewilderment etched across his face. He shoves the ball into his arms, the others laughing. "No no no, not that way!" he adds, as Gene starts to run. "To the lake!" 

Gene's laughing too. Finny can do that to you. Finny always made things fun, if a bit...trying.

 

> _I'll never catch up with you_
> 
>  

Okay, he'll admit it. Maybe it's obvious. Hell, maybe it's completely obvious. Gene resents Phineas. Happy? He's said it. He's done. 

 

> _Oh, I can feel them coming for me.._
> 
>  

"You know, you have to admit." Brink drawls coolly, leaning his elbows onto the table, his sleeves rolled up to said elbows. His everpresent smirk twitches his lips, but not in a nice way this time. "It is a bit suspicious. You were with Phineas when the accident happened, and--"

"Leave him alone, Brinker." Finny says shortly. He limps in and stares firmly at the assembled guys. "We already told you what happened. You know the truth. So lay off us, will ya? Honestly, you're a bunch of assholes..." The last part is said affectionately. Brink rolls his eyes.

Gene doesn't smile. They don't know the truth.

 

> _Here's the pride before the fall_
> 
>  

If he leans forward, just so slightly, he can touch him. Gene knows he could've reached out and grabbed Finny if he wanted to. He could've helped him. But that's the thing. He hadn't wanted to help him.

 

> _Oh your eyes, they show it all_
> 
>  

"Buddy, I'm the one in the infirmary, and you look like you're about to be sick." Finny jokes. He's in the hospital bed, his fists curled around the stiff sheets. The only thing Gene focuses on is how his leg is elevated-shattered, they said, sports are done-and how the bags under his eyes make them look ten times younger... Gene's trembling now; he can't help it. "Gene." Finny says suddenly, his eyes boring into his friend's. "Calm down. Whatever it is...come sit and talk."

"It's nothing." Gene blatantly lies, and he feels his throat closing up. "I--we were worried for you. We all were. That's all."

 

> _I can see it coming, I can see it coming_
> 
>  

"DEAD." The one thing Gene doesn't see coming, not even after he broke his leg a second time.

 

> _As I rise up through each floor_
> 
>  

He rushes past Brinker to throw up. The other man follows him hesitantly, very uncharacteristic. "Gene," he starts softly. "Hey...it's not your fault. We all loved Finny. Buddy, it's--"

"Don't call me that!" he screams suddenly in Brink's face. He jumps back. Gene curls up on the ground, on the bedroom floor, and waits for Brink to leave (he does, eventually). And all he can think of is Finny--smiling, goodnatured Finny, who was so good to him...who called his 'pal' and 'buddy', no matter how mad he was..

 

> _Shit gets dark when you lose it all_
> 
>  

He closes his eyes, and he sees him. Finny smiles and says something he can hear. His leg is healed and strong again; somehow, he's standing next to Leper (sane again), looking shiny and smart in his brown army uniform, the blitzball under one arm. Gene succumbs to the bitter dream. He wonders if he's gone crazy; then he wonders if he should care. 

 

> _I can hear it coming,_  
>  _I can hear the drumming._

 

The funeral is quiet. Everyone shows up. Gene stands up at the front with Brinker. Lep is one of the few who don't show up, but he doesn't really judge him for it. He wonders if Leper's still alive...

Gene doesn't cry. He and Brink--the only two out of the four now--stand straight in army uniforms, chins lifted and eyes dry. He'll admit they look smart. He cries on the inside.

They bury Finny with the Blitzball. It's what he would've wanted.


End file.
